there's alot i wana update on however i doubt anyone reads it. but that's the best part. haha. cause i just want to be reminded of how it was like to spent my happy moments in life or read thru wad a drama queen i had been when i was emoing. but there is one thing i really really want to blog which is about something i couldnt do when i was with you. feelings i had kept inside my heart till now. its a feeling so heavy that i cant bear to carry it anymore cause i keep thinking of you everytime still. i hurts cause all those feelings and regrets are still kept inside me. you made me like this. you controlled my silently. it didnt seem obvious only untill recently had i realise why i still cant let go of our past no matter how much i try to push away the thots of you.of us. i couldnt let go cause there was alot of trapped feelings inside me. like i said. i may still need time to let all this by. yes, i've move on. i know nothings possible b/w us anymore.and to you, even being friends is something you avoid. why? it will make my life a whole lot easier if you were my friend right at this moment. haha. still cant believe the tone of u coming online still makes my heart beat alot faster like it always has beeen. haha. you made me into someone who is not allowed to express her problems or share her thots and feelings to her bestfriend, not even her sister. cause i knew if i did, they would blame you for every fight we had. cause they do not understand you like i do. i knew why you reacted that way. i understood. i had to carry that on my own. u asked, why did i had to share stff with someone you were closed to, cause i knew that person would undrstand the whole situation better and help me solve it as that person knows and understand you alot longer than i did. i had firnds to share my sorrows with. but i couldnt cause i know you wouldnt like the thot of it. it was your heart that i had always thought about. did you tink about mine? you asked why didnt i share my problems with you? what werew you there for? half the time, you were my problem. even if i wanted to talk about it with you, you would always run away from talks especially face to face giving me a whole lot of excuses. if you had to deal with my sarcasm, i had to deal with a whole lot more. you run away from the problems. i had to chase after it. i had to chase you down to settle it. why is it that you claimed i always cause i when i never had realised thaT fact.being with me, you know that was my habit. like smoking was something you had to control. i know all this means nothing cause we broken up 2 mnths ago. but its just feelings i feel deep inside that i HVE to let out so i could let you out of my mind slowly. but i know surely, it will reach to that day whereby you are just a passing moment of my life. no, ur not my first ex. but ur my first love, my first kiss, my first for every little thing that we shared. typing this down let the tears roll down my cheeks. when your gone, pieces of my heart are missing you. the face i come to know is missing too.i miss you. haha. my sis switch on that song. wow. lol. hmm. now, the song i wanted you. haha. kayy. i still got tons more to write but i have to stop here cause i have to sleep already. thank god im ALMOST done with maths revision wksht. imma only left with 2 topics which I FEAR to touch ok 3 laaa. hahahahah! i just hope i dont dream of you again cause i pains me to wake up and remember our past all over again. it may be easy for you to get over me thanks to the stuff you have been feed with to help you forget me. but i know, what ever stuff i hear about you, i over look them cause sadly, im stil loving you .. bit by bit, this feeling will be erased soon:) dnt worry. i wont bother you. raye nak dtg, i hope the 4 of you will accept my sincere apology by den and not bear grudges against me. its a small world we may bump anytime. i dnt want my stomACH to do flip flops and neither do i want to live in fear of bumping into you guys that i choose to aviod any places we've gone togther.. will continue this someonther days. i hope its effective plus putting up our past photos. den. will kiss this blog good bye so no traces of the past will be there to remind me. if it work. den. ok. gtg. bubbye. loves/.
